Everything in life is a choice.
Some of them are more evident than others. If you look at everything you do, you’ll see that 99% of the time you made a choice.
What do I mean by evident? In this case, it means that you’re aware that you are making a choice.
You choose to cross a street at a certain time. You may leave work at a different time every day and therefore ride a different bus home each time. You choose what book to read, what TV show to watch, what to wear, what to eat …. you can see how life is made up of many small choices every day.
Kinds of choices
There are at least four kinds: easy choices, difficult choices, life-altering and life-or-death choices.
1. Easy choices relate to preferences. What do you prefer at that time.
Examples include choosing a flavour of ice cream, a colour of a sweater, a style of pants, what kind of cereal to eat for breakfast, what TV show to watch or what book to read.
2. Difficult choices include things like choosing a desk, a computer, a new mattress or an air conditioner.
These are ones where you have to develop questions and answers before you pick one. They could require research. Questions include what do you want the computer for? How much memory do you need? Do you want to be able to add memory? Do you need to carry it with you? How big a screen do you need?
3. Life-altering choices are about things such as whether to get married, whether to get a divorce, how to decide which job to take or whether to leave your job and start your own business.
Life-altering ones are just as the name suggests. They will change your life for the long term. In 1972, I decided to become schoolteacher. After eight years I left teaching to become self-employed. That was a life altering choice!
Choosing not to have kids is another example of a life-altering and a long term decision.
You see what I mean.
4. Life-or-death choices need no explanation. In my case, if I need a blood test to check my blood thinner level (INR) I get it. If I need a blood transfusion, I go and get one. If you’re in a car accident and injured, you go to emergency. If you find a lump in your breast, you get it checked right away.
Are you paralyzed when faced with some choices?
You may be paralyzed to make some choices especially the life altering ones.
Fear of the unknown is often what’s holding you back. I know it does me. I do two things when I feel frightened of making a choice.
One, I call a friend and talk through my feelings. I’m not looking for a solution but rather someone who will listen, let me talk, ask a few questions, let me “vent”, and most of all, not judge.
The second thing I do is to get more information. I go online to learn more and I call someone I know who’s already made the decision facing me, or a friend who I trust. For example, in 1980 when I was thinking about becoming self employed, there was no internet so I talked with a few store owners (the only people who I knew that were self employed.) Nowadays, I use the internet to search.
Another example was deciding whether to take a particular drug for my rare blood condition. I looked up the drug online and made a list of questions I needed answered. I then took those questions with me to my haematologist and to the specialist to whom he referred me. Both times I took my brother and I recorded the sessions (with their permission).
Does this help you?
I hope it does. You see, I don’t make life altering decisions alone. It’s better to be open with friends about your dilemma.
Even though the final decision is yours to make, it helps to talk about it. You feel supported as I always do.
What do you do when you have a difficult choice to make? How do you make your decision?